6/15/06

cavegirl

i ate to die for pannacotta with handsome luke and talked of love and the falling into it...

he's perpetually falling into it and never climbing out. we pondered whether he'll end up in the middle of an endless pool of mixed up love or maybe a black bottomless pit.

i have trouble with that one... the falling. i remember all too clearly the day i fell for my only love... we were driving on a winding rainforest road. he was taking me home and i was crying silent sullen tears... after months of him loving me, i fall. and it's helpless and scary and SO BIG, bigger than anything, and really is a FALL. it's not like a drop into a clear blue lake. no, my love was like falling down the side of a precipice with rocky stairs, murky pools, green fields, and always always that black current of hopelessness. it was also delightful.

but i had a strong sense of impending doom for over five years.

i don't suffer too badly from gloom. especially not since i'm mostly out from under that love. in the clearing. a deer in the dell. blinking in the bright sunlight that filters through the shady shady trees.

luke christened me boom boom doom. i gave him bam bam. and you should see me in that outfit with bones in my hair and a string of rocks round my neck...

and i'm chucking this up here without enough thought, before i run out the house and hope to run into someone who makes me smile and maybe maybe i have to run...

3 comments:

esther said...

oh the falling... we've been talking of such things lately. of why it's so hard to just feel the glee of the descent without the thudding moments of fear pounding in through the chest.. stupid scaredy cats. that's what we all seem to be.

but oh i just wanna be joyous when someone sneaks up and rocks my world.

hell said...

oh yeah... maybe i can learn... open-hearted sincerity as simon says is the way...

actin so tough... but scaredy scaredy cats...

hell said...

and kittens... but joyous is the go