IT’S HOT. Australia day HUH. whatever. I was at the builders arms. it was nice. in a grumpy too hot, hungover, why are there so many city hippies. i guess they are ok but, GUH kind of way. I was also a little overcome by all the handsome boys in wife beaters. so I got a little light headed and had to go home. where me an kate played orstraya day speed scrabble.
it wasn’t easy, & kate won.
heres some highlights.
NOICE…
GEEZ…
NUH.
SLIM
LOAFER
GDAY
BALLS
CUNT
LATER
SHIT
UTE
DAD
DIRT
UGG
PUKE
NAH
1/27/06
1/24/06
ladies and gentlemen...
she won!
I'd also like to warn a lengthy post ensues.
Saturday was a lovely beach day; and TEAM HOOPER were very pleased with the results of the portsea classic.
on the drive down we talked quite a lot about strategy. I made some helpful comments like;
“at least your suits not black, you’d look like a tasty little seal.”
“dell, it’s black.”
we hummed and harred about what the sharks might think; whether they would be intimidated by a large group of thrashing arms and legs, and basically be just, “what the fuck?”
though my theory was,
”they love that shit. it just increases their chances of a catch. you know how they just swim into a shoal of fish with their mouths open… “
I ran from the start line over to the jetty to wait for her to swim past, running next to her, and when she looked up cheered “HOOPER HOOPER HOOPER! YAY!” I ran back to the finish line. but lightning HOOPER beat me to it.
funny too. when they finished they got given bananas. HA!
you just swam 1.8 kilometres? here, have a BANANA.
I think she is my hero. I was very proud. she’d had practically no training, she’d overcome a year plagued with injury, china and a wayward support team, headed by a coach who kept disappearing to the pub… any discrepancies in time and race details can be written off to pre-race human error.
during the race, she was a gun.
*****
SO, I was pretty shattered when I got to the retreat on Saturday night. struggling to be awake, BUT, I was charmed and delighted to meet you, see you, kiss you and dance with you. no really, the pleasure is all mine.
the costume element was lovely, how delightful to end up at THE pony in beachy short shorts with a lady in her bathing suit and jaunty sailor hat. many of the punters were delighted. it was kind of like Christmas for them, and most entertaining to watch. also pretty kate, she’s my friend who, you can guarantee, if you go out with her, there will be boys professing their love… quite entertaining, testing our defense tactics. occasionally needing to save each other from misguided attentions.*
*we had men doing interpretive dance for us.
*****
fast forward to an early Sunday morning tram, realizing that you’ll never make it out there on your own. so you jump off with your pretty girl, heading to her boyfriends at least til you work up the courage to call yours, to see if he too would like a visit from a devastated & difficult girl.
after all the unseemly shit I had subjected my body to, ironic how it was the ginger beer at 8 30 in the morning waiting for the tram to pats place that was my undoing. it was hot, it made my heart hurt. I had been to THE pony. YUCK. and the wilds of Northcote. and got lost trying to cross merri creek near a golf course. asking for help from early morning (who are these people?) golfers. and no, they don’t want to talk to a dirty stop out TM. they don’t even like you walking in their direction.
I had been just fine with all that, until I sat in the shade drinking ginger beer. granted it was the start of a hellish hot day, and I had had no sleep and done no favours to my body. it was my first little bit of time on my own. no partners in crime, too much time to think, but with only a broken brain. hence the sore heart, but yes dell, lets blame the ginger beer.
I was saved by a pretty girl calling, softly, tranquilized down the phone, “dell, I have a dog” “I HAVE A DOG!”
what could i say?
“yes, and she’s SO soft, and lovely”
she is too.
I made it to pats just in time. any longer in the heat and I’m sure I would’ve died. thankfully he let me in.
I had broken my brain and body, and it felt like the end of the world was nigh. a hot wind blowing and heavy looming clouds lurking over the city.
so we went and saw king kong. & despite the unwarranted length it was perfect really cause it gave me the opportunity to catch up on some sleep. and wake up to some beautiful moments with that handsome ape.
AWW big monkey love.
*****
in summary. LADIES! I love them. so very good to look at, & talk to… and so clever too. my heart is surely with you.
gentlemen. I don’t understand. but I can’t help loving them too.
even the messy MESSY ones, and the funny ones and the clever ones, and well, you get the picture…
PS.I finally admitted to my girlfriends that yes, ok, I have a boyfriend. their response?
HA! sucked in!
exactly…see, they understand!
i was walking home this afternoon, in the same beach outfit of three days ago* when across my path came 3 pre-pubescent girls, laughing and singing "those boots are made for walking.."
i love it when the kids take the piss.
*dirty stop out TM
I'd also like to warn a lengthy post ensues.
Saturday was a lovely beach day; and TEAM HOOPER were very pleased with the results of the portsea classic.
on the drive down we talked quite a lot about strategy. I made some helpful comments like;
“at least your suits not black, you’d look like a tasty little seal.”
“dell, it’s black.”
we hummed and harred about what the sharks might think; whether they would be intimidated by a large group of thrashing arms and legs, and basically be just, “what the fuck?”
though my theory was,
”they love that shit. it just increases their chances of a catch. you know how they just swim into a shoal of fish with their mouths open… “
I ran from the start line over to the jetty to wait for her to swim past, running next to her, and when she looked up cheered “HOOPER HOOPER HOOPER! YAY!” I ran back to the finish line. but lightning HOOPER beat me to it.
funny too. when they finished they got given bananas. HA!
you just swam 1.8 kilometres? here, have a BANANA.
I think she is my hero. I was very proud. she’d had practically no training, she’d overcome a year plagued with injury, china and a wayward support team, headed by a coach who kept disappearing to the pub… any discrepancies in time and race details can be written off to pre-race human error.
during the race, she was a gun.
*****
SO, I was pretty shattered when I got to the retreat on Saturday night. struggling to be awake, BUT, I was charmed and delighted to meet you, see you, kiss you and dance with you. no really, the pleasure is all mine.
the costume element was lovely, how delightful to end up at THE pony in beachy short shorts with a lady in her bathing suit and jaunty sailor hat. many of the punters were delighted. it was kind of like Christmas for them, and most entertaining to watch. also pretty kate, she’s my friend who, you can guarantee, if you go out with her, there will be boys professing their love… quite entertaining, testing our defense tactics. occasionally needing to save each other from misguided attentions.*
*we had men doing interpretive dance for us.
*****
fast forward to an early Sunday morning tram, realizing that you’ll never make it out there on your own. so you jump off with your pretty girl, heading to her boyfriends at least til you work up the courage to call yours, to see if he too would like a visit from a devastated & difficult girl.
after all the unseemly shit I had subjected my body to, ironic how it was the ginger beer at 8 30 in the morning waiting for the tram to pats place that was my undoing. it was hot, it made my heart hurt. I had been to THE pony. YUCK. and the wilds of Northcote. and got lost trying to cross merri creek near a golf course. asking for help from early morning (who are these people?) golfers. and no, they don’t want to talk to a dirty stop out TM. they don’t even like you walking in their direction.
I had been just fine with all that, until I sat in the shade drinking ginger beer. granted it was the start of a hellish hot day, and I had had no sleep and done no favours to my body. it was my first little bit of time on my own. no partners in crime, too much time to think, but with only a broken brain. hence the sore heart, but yes dell, lets blame the ginger beer.
I was saved by a pretty girl calling, softly, tranquilized down the phone, “dell, I have a dog” “I HAVE A DOG!”
what could i say?
“yes, and she’s SO soft, and lovely”
she is too.
I made it to pats just in time. any longer in the heat and I’m sure I would’ve died. thankfully he let me in.
I had broken my brain and body, and it felt like the end of the world was nigh. a hot wind blowing and heavy looming clouds lurking over the city.
so we went and saw king kong. & despite the unwarranted length it was perfect really cause it gave me the opportunity to catch up on some sleep. and wake up to some beautiful moments with that handsome ape.
AWW big monkey love.
*****
in summary. LADIES! I love them. so very good to look at, & talk to… and so clever too. my heart is surely with you.
gentlemen. I don’t understand. but I can’t help loving them too.
even the messy MESSY ones, and the funny ones and the clever ones, and well, you get the picture…
PS.I finally admitted to my girlfriends that yes, ok, I have a boyfriend. their response?
HA! sucked in!
exactly…see, they understand!
i was walking home this afternoon, in the same beach outfit of three days ago* when across my path came 3 pre-pubescent girls, laughing and singing "those boots are made for walking.."
i love it when the kids take the piss.
*dirty stop out TM
1/20/06
JUVENILE!
apologies for the JUVENILE post prior to this one. this might make kate not cross with me. though she's pretty cute when she's cross.
it was a hot and stormy night, and the prediction is for a warm and UNSETTLED week. BUT this monkey slept better than I have in a long time. warm and unsettled predictions sound hellish and make me want to book that ticket to queensland as soon as possible. so I can be undeniably undoubtedly HOT, but in close proximity to some green trees and waterfalls.
I’m going to ding dong tonight cause THE FOOD GROUP are playing and I need more beer & rock n roll in my diet.
YOU, yes YOU! should come too, oh, & it’s mum smokes cd launch too. and they win the prize for best band name in town. the crayon fields are playing too, but it’s best if I say nothing about them.
oh it’s matty b’s ‘birthday party’ at the retreat Saturday and no doubt there will be lots of pretty ladies.
I need an early sleep cause I’m no 1. supporter for my friend who is swimming the port to pier race. she can swim so I guess it will all be ok. GO HOOPER!
it was a hot and stormy night, and the prediction is for a warm and UNSETTLED week. BUT this monkey slept better than I have in a long time. warm and unsettled predictions sound hellish and make me want to book that ticket to queensland as soon as possible. so I can be undeniably undoubtedly HOT, but in close proximity to some green trees and waterfalls.
I’m going to ding dong tonight cause THE FOOD GROUP are playing and I need more beer & rock n roll in my diet.
YOU, yes YOU! should come too, oh, & it’s mum smokes cd launch too. and they win the prize for best band name in town. the crayon fields are playing too, but it’s best if I say nothing about them.
oh it’s matty b’s ‘birthday party’ at the retreat Saturday and no doubt there will be lots of pretty ladies.
I need an early sleep cause I’m no 1. supporter for my friend who is swimming the port to pier race. she can swim so I guess it will all be ok. GO HOOPER!
1/18/06
BOOBS
these aren't boobs. these are boys. and me. and beer. this is old, but i like it.
kate read my post about her looking at her boobs. haha. she threatened to do a fake post on my blog. a post about how I came home and looked at my boobs all day. then I woke up & I had dreamt about them all night.
I dreamed about boobs all night. yeah. that was pretty cool.
then she accused me of being obsessed. "god dell, you’re obsessed"
"it's all boobs boobs boobs with you"
then she called me titsianna
& i called her boobalada
and she's gone to bed and i bet she's dreaming about BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.
but that's ok kate. boobs are pretty cool.
kate read my post about her looking at her boobs. haha. she threatened to do a fake post on my blog. a post about how I came home and looked at my boobs all day. then I woke up & I had dreamt about them all night.
I dreamed about boobs all night. yeah. that was pretty cool.
then she accused me of being obsessed. "god dell, you’re obsessed"
"it's all boobs boobs boobs with you"
then she called me titsianna
& i called her boobalada
and she's gone to bed and i bet she's dreaming about BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.
but that's ok kate. boobs are pretty cool.
1/16/06
va te faire foutre
someone gave me this on a tram. don't look a gift horse in the mouth i say. (or my mum says)
"HELL IS REAL IF U LIKE IT OR NOT"
"U can ignore the fact all you want but that makes it no less real.
So what r u going 2 do about it? Don't b like the billions of others who left it TOO LATE.
God loves u so much! That's y he warned u in the bible & gave his son jesus 2 die on the cross. U have been warned!
Read your bible 2 find out all jesus has done 4 u & follow his example."
2 B SAVED!!!
follow jesus kids, cmon. he's talking to U! i don't really understand his writing. but U!
i understand the pictures of monkeys... YES! they have pictures of MONKEYS! mmmmmm... MONKEYS?
but please don't come back to me if they get you.
was their a look in my eye, i needed saving? did they know?
my name here is hell. and I AM REAL IF U LIKE IT OR NOT!
and even more spooky it is 11:11 and my work here is done. not the number of the beast, but the number of me... goodnight and goodday good people
PS. i didn't really mean it with the rude french. it's educational.
"HELL IS REAL IF U LIKE IT OR NOT"
"U can ignore the fact all you want but that makes it no less real.
So what r u going 2 do about it? Don't b like the billions of others who left it TOO LATE.
God loves u so much! That's y he warned u in the bible & gave his son jesus 2 die on the cross. U have been warned!
Read your bible 2 find out all jesus has done 4 u & follow his example."
2 B SAVED!!!
follow jesus kids, cmon. he's talking to U! i don't really understand his writing. but U!
i understand the pictures of monkeys... YES! they have pictures of MONKEYS! mmmmmm... MONKEYS?
but please don't come back to me if they get you.
was their a look in my eye, i needed saving? did they know?
my name here is hell. and I AM REAL IF U LIKE IT OR NOT!
and even more spooky it is 11:11 and my work here is done. not the number of the beast, but the number of me... goodnight and goodday good people
PS. i didn't really mean it with the rude french. it's educational.
bellyache
birthday week is over, so now I’m really 28. it feels better than the end of 27 felt.
here’s the four words I wrote down on my last night of 27.
TIRED. HUNGRY. DRUNK. OLD.
grim.
then I woke up & wrote this.
HAPPY. MONKEY. 28. BELLYACHE.
much better really apart from the bellyache.
it’s gone now though, and things that happened in the first week show a bit of promise for this year.
a charming couple invited me to sleep with them, YES! something like that... a boy told me I was exceptional. IT"S TRUE! I might be in love. I danced & fought & managed to get paid. i had my heart melted AGAIN & AGAIN by the most handsome 2 month old boy IN THE WORLD... i now even have a photo of him in my wallet.
I got a fix of rock n roll with BREAKING THE LAW who should play more... yes they should.
& I also learnt how to say ‘go fuck yourself’ in French.
which will come in very handy when I’m an old lady in paris.
here’s the four words I wrote down on my last night of 27.
TIRED. HUNGRY. DRUNK. OLD.
grim.
then I woke up & wrote this.
HAPPY. MONKEY. 28. BELLYACHE.
much better really apart from the bellyache.
it’s gone now though, and things that happened in the first week show a bit of promise for this year.
a charming couple invited me to sleep with them, YES! something like that... a boy told me I was exceptional. IT"S TRUE! I might be in love. I danced & fought & managed to get paid. i had my heart melted AGAIN & AGAIN by the most handsome 2 month old boy IN THE WORLD... i now even have a photo of him in my wallet.
I got a fix of rock n roll with BREAKING THE LAW who should play more... yes they should.
& I also learnt how to say ‘go fuck yourself’ in French.
which will come in very handy when I’m an old lady in paris.
1/8/06
mmmmmm... MONKEY?
HOW BEAUTIFUL ARE THESE MONKEYS?
I’m lying on the floor amidst the debris caused by the whirlwind production of four monkey suits. my housemate kate just looked in her shirt and smiled at her boobs. pleased they were still there I guess.
they are good to have. I can relate to that.
a lot of people like boobs really
crowd pleasers.
I ate a bad bacon pie. to keep all the other bad things in my belly company… thoughtful of me. and yes my body hurts now. not from the pie. just feeling the pain of being older. 28 hurts more than 27. all over.
see the pain.
it was my birthday. I shook my monkey bum. I got lovely presents. lots of good looking people came, and a lot of them dressed like monkeys. that made me happy. we drank a lot of rum. and I cleaned up a lot of peanut shells and banana peels this morning. that took me about four hours. the waves of nausea are subsiding. I might have patched things up with the boy who stormed out on me when the sun came up. i deserved it. i'm bad. but also good.
I ate some steamed broccoli too. Do you care? too bad, you already read about it. HA!
thank you to lovely Lydia, Paul Drew & Greg & Sparky for letting me have my party at your place. you are the best looking monkey household around. hands down. thank you to everyone who came and gave me lovely presents and mostly just your presence…
thankyou to kate for taking great monkey portraits and those who dressed up. A for effort. (monkey book is coming soon) & brooke & Rachael who made me a beautiful monkey cake that really does look like me. AMAZING. & ronan who made me the best banana cake I have ever eaten... I love you all.
also annie & kade and sailor for my surprise birthday breakfast. thankyou kade for dressing up as a bloody mary for me. it’s got me thinking…
also thanks to anj for calling me from canada. I love you.
this is like an Oscars speech. I’ll stop now. but I do feel lucky. I am. good night or good morning or just good day. oh it’s still my birthday for a week so I get extra kisses. and they won't taste like lolly bananas next time i promise.
oh yeah. has anybody got a job for me. I said I’d get one this week. I do have skills.
I’m lying on the floor amidst the debris caused by the whirlwind production of four monkey suits. my housemate kate just looked in her shirt and smiled at her boobs. pleased they were still there I guess.
they are good to have. I can relate to that.
a lot of people like boobs really
crowd pleasers.
I ate a bad bacon pie. to keep all the other bad things in my belly company… thoughtful of me. and yes my body hurts now. not from the pie. just feeling the pain of being older. 28 hurts more than 27. all over.
see the pain.
it was my birthday. I shook my monkey bum. I got lovely presents. lots of good looking people came, and a lot of them dressed like monkeys. that made me happy. we drank a lot of rum. and I cleaned up a lot of peanut shells and banana peels this morning. that took me about four hours. the waves of nausea are subsiding. I might have patched things up with the boy who stormed out on me when the sun came up. i deserved it. i'm bad. but also good.
I ate some steamed broccoli too. Do you care? too bad, you already read about it. HA!
thank you to lovely Lydia, Paul Drew & Greg & Sparky for letting me have my party at your place. you are the best looking monkey household around. hands down. thank you to everyone who came and gave me lovely presents and mostly just your presence…
thankyou to kate for taking great monkey portraits and those who dressed up. A for effort. (monkey book is coming soon) & brooke & Rachael who made me a beautiful monkey cake that really does look like me. AMAZING. & ronan who made me the best banana cake I have ever eaten... I love you all.
also annie & kade and sailor for my surprise birthday breakfast. thankyou kade for dressing up as a bloody mary for me. it’s got me thinking…
also thanks to anj for calling me from canada. I love you.
this is like an Oscars speech. I’ll stop now. but I do feel lucky. I am. good night or good morning or just good day. oh it’s still my birthday for a week so I get extra kisses. and they won't taste like lolly bananas next time i promise.
oh yeah. has anybody got a job for me. I said I’d get one this week. I do have skills.
1/6/06
beach
beachhouse newyear with grumpy pat. hi pat!
i do like to be beside the seaside. besides i'm housesitting on the OTHER side. st kilda. it's like being in another town. it makes me lazy to travel when it is an hour across town to the pub and any people i want to see. so today i stayed in and sewed a monkey suit. as you do.
things i did in st kilda.
heated up and fed the dragon. yes the DRAGON. this means picking him up & putting him on a hot rock... when he's hot he goes a nice shade of yellow... then feeding him berries. he gets a red stain around his mouth like lipstick. almost pretty. (for something that looks like a toad with prickles and a tail...)
misting the stick insects.
eating at cicciolinas. yum.
kissing a boy at the end of the jetty at night.
watched people catch & keep fish off the peir. (eat something out of this bay!?)
coffee at the galleon, with the only handsome local i know.
cakes from carlisle st deli.
walks through the botanic gardens.
bbq's
saw three people asleep in or near gutters in three days...
but now i have to bring myself to leave the comforts of irina's flat. & catch the train. lucky i like trains.
if you have any suggestions as to what one should do on this side of town, besides the above, please let me know.
i do like to be beside the seaside. besides i'm housesitting on the OTHER side. st kilda. it's like being in another town. it makes me lazy to travel when it is an hour across town to the pub and any people i want to see. so today i stayed in and sewed a monkey suit. as you do.
things i did in st kilda.
heated up and fed the dragon. yes the DRAGON. this means picking him up & putting him on a hot rock... when he's hot he goes a nice shade of yellow... then feeding him berries. he gets a red stain around his mouth like lipstick. almost pretty. (for something that looks like a toad with prickles and a tail...)
misting the stick insects.
eating at cicciolinas. yum.
kissing a boy at the end of the jetty at night.
watched people catch & keep fish off the peir. (eat something out of this bay!?)
coffee at the galleon, with the only handsome local i know.
cakes from carlisle st deli.
walks through the botanic gardens.
bbq's
saw three people asleep in or near gutters in three days...
but now i have to bring myself to leave the comforts of irina's flat. & catch the train. lucky i like trains.
if you have any suggestions as to what one should do on this side of town, besides the above, please let me know.
1/4/06
lets go bananas!
this gives me a bit of a headache but...
it's simple. you dress and dance and act like a monkey. ready fools. saturday night.
i don't care how punishing new year was. it's my birthday. if you have monkey songs or movies to play, or monkey dances... two words. BRING IT.
and if, like some people you are a little shy of looking like an ugly monkey, come as a pretty one. or a banana. or a freakin peanut. get it.
for some inspiration here's some good chinese monkey magic. recorded in a hotel room in hongkong.
it's simple. you dress and dance and act like a monkey. ready fools. saturday night.
i don't care how punishing new year was. it's my birthday. if you have monkey songs or movies to play, or monkey dances... two words. BRING IT.
and if, like some people you are a little shy of looking like an ugly monkey, come as a pretty one. or a banana. or a freakin peanut. get it.
for some inspiration here's some good chinese monkey magic. recorded in a hotel room in hongkong.
1/3/06
i am alive
so alive. or so i hear. not sure how long it'll last. i have aches & bruises. but really all things considered i am feeling just fine. it's a new year. i saw it in in good company at a house by the beautiful clean ocean. listened to trees & ate great food. i hope it's a wonderful year for me and for you. i'm getting old. turn 28 on the 7th. might feel like having a monkey party. you might have to come. maybe.
i was warned not to be so indecisive and stop relying on my luck and take action.
it'd help if i had my phone. i don't and haven't for a week now. will find it soon. will get it together soon. must feed yella dragon... ok.
i was warned not to be so indecisive and stop relying on my luck and take action.
it'd help if i had my phone. i don't and haven't for a week now. will find it soon. will get it together soon. must feed yella dragon... ok.
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