no fun

we've got the sniffles so we aren't much fun. are we ever. for those who've tried to call me. i have no credit, so tend to abandon my phone. i'll try to be better. for those that didn't.

whatever.

for those that texted loving messages of support. I LOVE YOU TOO.

a thousand parties

ronan said he felt like he had been alive for thousands of years and had thousands more still to go. turtle.

I have always felt like I DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME. regardless of how it pans out, it certainly affects the way I do things.
maybe once I have been alive running around like a crazy thing for a thousand years I will be able to slow down and take it all in…

anyway. on the weekend of a thousand parties, I saw a lot of art. I had plans for sleep and plans for work. both of which were undermined by my un-quenching desire for a hangover. yes, I love that shit.

ALSO I had important stuff like friends leaving, & friends returning. oh beautiful andrea, I LARVE YOU... but I pity the poor man who witnessed our reunion, shouty crying ooooaaahhing girls.

there were also hot-tub parties and hours & hours on the dance-floor and horrible combinations of nasty nasty alcohol to attend to.

I developed a bit of a new crush on that dancefloor. but also realized there is not one of my current crushes that I actually want to sleep with. which is a crying shame. ‘cause that would be nice right now.

no. REALLY all I have a hankering for is a hot bath and some big brother. oh yeah, i still like the idea of a miniature donkey… SEE.



that baby bear and his bottle is damn cute too. but I saw Werner Herzog’s ‘grizzly man’. did you?

it’s ‘buy me a pony’ friday…

yes I mean it. buy me a pony. i promise to dress up in a spangly little jumpsuit and stand with said pony in a field. at least once. DEAL? ok good.
no one took me seriously last time. if not a pony, then a miniature donkey.

lesson one

i've been teaching a little girl animation. she has lost her front teeth and looks like a little vampire, FANGS... we get along great. it means I catch an after school hour tram to toorak. guh. the future’s so bright I’d like to bunker down in my bedroom with thicker curtains…

don’t read this. I dare ya.

well, if you insist, I warned you…

I have an appointment at the hospital this week. its with a super specialist. see, I have skin cancer. and I have waited about five months for this particular appointment. I’m happy to get it. kinda. the problem lies elsewhere. I just happen to, this week, be endowed with a mighty scratch up my back like the devil had a hold o me. a whole handful of scrathes, so I guess he mighta. I‘m not too sure. either way, deserving or not, the doctor is gonna think the worst o me… I guess I just have to take it on the chin…

I need to not die of cancer yet. i have many little deaths to die instead. today is hangover death. oh so fun.

we hunted. we gathered.

my weekend was built on a sturdy foundation. ladies. and me with a taste for drinking excessive amounts of unwanted booze… a whole lotta talking and a whole lotta hungover moody moody twoshoes…

how good is this weather for kickin cans?

how good is sunday afternoon for blatant neighbourhood thievery… we got the ladder from the backyard, carted it two blocks to the feijoa tree. daylight robbery. how proud were we when looked at our MASSIVE bowl of fruit.

we hunted. we gathered.

feijoa crumble here we come.

then we got borsht & lemon tart from the ever-loving ladies at babka… which picked up my mood markedly. a little bit of eurovision goes a long way... i think i lasteed four songs. lithuania was a highpoint. so no, I still have not watched big brother…

idle minds; the devils playground

it’s wrong I know. but born dancin’s Australian idle reminded me of my unhealthy crush on Andrew G...

see, WRONG.*

I have more. but hope to maintain some paltry level of respectability. crushwise at least. my other crushes all tend to be moody arty bastards, devastating smart ladies/trashy bitches and drunk, fucked musicians.

I tried to watch big brother uplate last night but when I turned the teev on, it wasn’t there. so unreliable! where are you when I need you BB?

it would help if I knew when it was programmed…


* many friends have pointed out his many many unappealing attributes. annie does a very good impression of his hugely charismatic stage presence and STILL the crush don't falter...

* cass has a crush on izzy from neighbours... but i'll forgive him cause he shows impeccable taste in RL** girlfriends and he hasn't seen her "band" and also because i just admitted to the G...

**RL real life

i have a real life internet crush on the lady who makes this magazine and she just invited me to be in it. woo hoo for me. woo hoo for real life + internet crossovers...

but what does it MEAN?

some handy and unrelated definitions. I’m trying to clear up some hazy meanings. I’m also trying to share & care.

I looked up TROLLOP… and got… a strumpet. perhaps from, to roll about, or wallow…

BUT on the upside, a DELL is a small, secluded wooded valley. a clearing amongst the trees. a place to think and watch pretty gazelles… & flighty birds.

AWESOME… so impressive or overwhelming as to inspire a strong feeling of admiration or fear… do you think that’s really what he meant? I HAVE scared numbers of boys before… numerous.

death to moody wednesday

it's thursday, and i've smartened up...

this helped cheer me last night. monkeybum.

send me dead flowers

I played mournful piano in my huge empty house.



I called an ex lover needing love. he let me down again.

don’t need nuthin.

fucker.

i passed the time weighing the pros and cons of my lonesome, lonesome life.
and thinking on that problematic belly full of rocks. and thought maybe it’s catching. either way I’ve caught it today. and nothing else sits well in this belly with those rocks. so it’s a seasick but sunshiney day. thank heavens its almost over and thank heavens for small sailors. and the blue in the sky, enough for all the trousers they’d ever need.

ask roky. tonight is the night of the vampires. and when i walked to the dairy i almost got fanged. yes i've got the scratches.

GO ON, put it on your BLOB

... an ongoing conversation with my friend brooke. who doesn't have a blog… and doesn't read blogs.

Brooke: spill, did you date the guy who read your blob.

Me: which guy? … it’s not a blob.

Brooke: the one who wrote on someone else’s blob that he had a crush on you…

Me: it’s not a blob.

Brooke: what is it?

Me: a BLOG

Brooke: blog BLOB. whatever. SO. did ya?

Me: we had a beer

Brooke: and?

Me: we talked.

Brooke: … …

Me: he seems nice.

Brooke: see him again?

Me: sure. why not?

Brooke: he reads your BLOB!

Brookie and her charming summation of my blob life.
just wait til she has a blob. the blob readers will be lining up to date her. the whole blob community will have a field day. cause she'd be a really hot blobber...

taste of the alps.

I spent the day helping hooper hang her exhibition.

she’s been in Darwin. where the sun is setting over sailboats. she’s also been in china. where the smog lays heavy over a crazy world of theme parks, volcanoes, excess plastics, flashing lights & casino money.



she’s back in Melbourne. and that makes me happy. she’s a painter, like this monkey named pierre.



highly strung, he eats a banana an hour while painting. hoops doesn’t eat SO many bananas. she smokes menthol cigarettes. don’t hold it against her. she was in china too long. it’s just like a breath of fresh air. NO REALLY. I know.

her paintings are lovely. leopards and volcanoes, roses and clouds and cars and explosions, donkeys, dogs, muscle men & BANANAS.

see for yourself. titan buff. Rachael Hooper. seventh gallery 155 gertrude st fitzroy. opening beers and stuff tonight, tuesday 16th may 6-8pm.

art film make me sore

my body hurts all over but I am delighted. I tumbled out of bed still drunk at 12 today. late for a date. I rode into the city in the rain. I was suitably apologetic for my sorry state.

I watched cremaster 3 at ACMI. I have been meaning to see mr barneys films forever. but was always daunted by the length and stuff. SO why not go when you can barely be alive let alone watch a long art movie?

I loved it. despite the way it managed to lay out new kinds of hell around every corner.

look a BIG man who shakes the world when he stomps... eating raw meat. LOOK a skinny dirty lady being dragged into the chrylser building... ew.... whats on her? EEEW... whats that on the floor? shreiking breathing oozing goop... the pretty pastel cars are relentlessly smashing the black beatle car into tiny pieces in the fancy hotel lobby... AND IT"S HURTING MY HEAD. look a pretty lady in a room full of potatos... wow look at her shoes... she’s making wedges with them. YES potato wedges. those aren’t real legs. OH she doesn’t have any...

look at his tool belt. I like toolbelts. and aprons. he has big hunks of rock in it. hmmmmn. whats he doing. climbing into the lift. setting off the sprinklers. making sloppy concrete and pouring it in. he's almost filled the entire lift. mmmm fixed… OK, I won’t go on.

I came out with new eyes. I still felt a bit like I was dying. but life has been good to me, so dying will be too.

and it was as if everybody knew. a man sang to me from a car at the lights. I walked down an alley to where my bike was parked and there was a mirror all the way along it, for me to check out my dance club moves in. I clapped so loudly a man came out from the service entrance to the hotel and joined in. then I smiled bowed and rode off. I smiled at people all the way home. a boy wound down his window to say hello. then I danced. ouch. then I crawled my sorry body into bed and here is where I’ll stay.

i am a rabbit.



... oh look pretty ladies with big boobs in a bubble bath... LOOK AT THOSE DANCERS! ... wow... cool... ew... he pooed out a tube that oozes pink liquid and teeth. oh that’s right they smashed his teeth in after the races. poor horses turned into meat... yerk...

ok so the movie still runs through my head.

consult the monkey book (part 1) wardy & simon

annie gave me a monkey book. oo oo oo

and upon consulting it, I have a few more creatures classified. i am also surprised at the number of my friends who bear a striking resemblance to some other primates. i hope they won't take offence. i like monkeys. and my friends are very good looking.

case in point.



wardy, and that is possibly greg on drums. of the tranquilizers. (cass not pictured here)

see them play tomorrow night at the old bar. i love them. they have new songs. they are recording an album. it sounds good to me.

this is simon,contemplating his new white leather jacket….



this is also simon cause he is an astronaut and HE WORKS FOR NASA, or so he told me when I went on a date with him the other day. LYING DOG.

he is rather intelligent, on the top of the scale for his species.

YES this is an ongoing series. YOU MIGHT BE NEXT...

**disclaimer. if anyone takes offence they can take it up with me, personally.

signed, queen of the jungle.

also i'd be happy to post any monkeys you find that look like me. kate had a theory that i somehow managed to look like ALL monkeys. and when i moved out of her house she said she'd replace me with an orangutang.

hmmmm *narrows eyes*

she might just be next.

mmwaaaahhaa ha ha!

on the job

i really truly have to knuckle down & do some work. i have some drawings to do. a lot actually.

a few pointers to get you on your way...

one. do not update your blog. it will make you want read other blogs. oh too late.

two. do not make a nice hot chocolate. again too late.

three. don't start making yourself a playsuit. THAT'S NOT DRAWING.

four. print five t-shirts. NOR IS THAT.

say hello to my day.

maybe i should write about these 'so called' drawings instead. something we here at dellonearthTM also need to be doing... how can i do that when i can't finish the drawings. HOW?

BUT, someone else has been drawing. YES LOOK! another clever hard to read drawing from Nathan Gray… but it says that the food group play saturday. I'M TORN. i also want to see the tranquilizers CLEVER MONKEYS!
they make me dance. & I LOVE THEM. and i even love it more when they play at the old bar. BUT. none of that happens til saturday so i might just get back on the job of making my playsuit.

buy me a pony day

i picked up jesus mary AND joseph on a ride home from the pub. hard rubbish gold NO? my house has new blessings.



i had an emotional day.
truly ruly draining.
also quite delightful. BUT.
i had no brain for most of it.
but a heart. i have a heart.

no phone though.
it's got worser & worser to the point of WHY BOTHER ANSWERING IT. it will sound like someone in a bucket of water. then if they do get through folks will abuse me for the crapness of it all.

AH WELL.

whats a girl to do or say when she spent her last ten dollars on beer & more beer. again and again and again and again.

HI YOU!

buy you?

i'd own you all if i could afford it.

xxx

lonely hearts club

I like to meet new people. I mostly like to meet people on the dancefloor. or on a barstool. I like that I’ve met people through my blog. BUT I have never been on a date with a stranger before. so the notion of dating someone who has read my blog, does not appeal to me at all. I invest a lot in chemistry, and besides, I’ve met clever writers who are absolute cunts.

I started this blog with the rather naive notion that people had much better things to do than read my drivel. so I do it for me. cause if I don’t write something down, or a vague reference to it, it will be gone from my sieve of a brain FOREVER. now this means there is a lot of me up here. and it’s too late to take it back. and well. I love it. I love that people read it. TRULY, I’m pleased as punch. BUT REALLY. try to explain to not blogging friends about a date request from a total stranger, and they will stare blankly, ooo creepy! and you will feel incredibly geeky.

which IS NOT ME AT ALL...

YEAH SO, I know, I HAVE A BLOG. whatever. denial is a river in Egypt. geek.

I’d love to meet you all. which is why i talk about what i'm doing. if it's sounds like your cup of tea, come along, we'll chat. but I’d wait til after meeting you to have a real crush. and that’s from someone with fistfuls of inappropriate crushes on the go at any one time.

have a nice day monkeyface.

australia is hurting me...

or death by lamb... roast lamb, with a caramelized fig glaze. me & lizzie bird stole the figs from a tree in a lane nearby. stolen figs taste better.

drew & kate & cass came round for a bit of Sunday roast. it was a combined effort between handsome Donald, hungover ‘I AM DYING MANY DEATHS’ dell & fleischy and ‘cute as a button’ liz who happened to be wearing a knitted playsuit THE WHOLE TIME.

lizzie bird then baked lemon delicious and we can testify that it is THE most appropriately named thing around. so lemon, so delicious.

the piece de resistance was the slide show we had afterwards. don got a projector from a fete in nth Fitzroy & liz pulled out her dads slides from veitnam and her grannies cruise ship holiday snaps. really really wonderful. handsome young soldiers at a pool high diving & posing in oldschool trunks and showing off tattoos. choppers & guns & pinup poster girls in barracks WITH AMAZING OLDSCHOOL BOOBS, and little old ladies having the time of their lives in various tropical paradises...

as drew hugged me goodbye I was stabbed in the neck by the sharp point of cape york on the australia brooch i made. hench the title, 'australia is hurting me' ... OW...

I had such a lovely weekend. annie & sailor spent the day on Saturday. and hey baby. the boy breaks my weak & worn heart. so does the beautiful annie. we are learning to play the dirty dancing theme on the piano, it’s too hard, so we’re working on HUNGRY EYES.

need I say more?

need i mention i also managed to spend FAR TOO MUCH time at the pub, being adoring of my good company and obnoxious to strangers. need i say sorry to all who come across me?

NAH.

200

yes, it's my 200th post. happy birthday blog. or something. too many? perhaps you big naysayers.

i drank afternoon beers at the rsl with cass.



and then at alice euphemia i was handed a bundle of mail from my friend kate. i lived with her for a while. it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

i got that train fine i talked about awhile ago... grrrrrrr...

i got two letters from a girl in new york who decided to write to me because she liked my photos on flickr. she may also want to steal my unborn child, but i like her letters so far, so...

i got a letter from my mum. YAY! MUM! with a drawing each from two of my nephews. YAY! DRAWINGS!

i got a letter from the hospital. er.

i balanced it out to an overall good result, good letters can negate bad letters.

but they don't pay train fines do they?

i also drank beer and enjoyed the company of some good people. i was complimented on my dancing by a charming man, who said, i'll never forget your dancing at that party 2 YEARS AGO dell... i forget, but that's probably a good thing....

i was asked, HOW COULD YOU BE SINGLE dell? um easy...

i sat at a table in hells kitchen pre-occupied by a 6ish yr old girl playing on the balcony of an apartment across the way... (she looked a little like i did at that age, blonde hair in face) totally oblivious to the whole bar full of drinking adults not more than 3 metres away... she was very busily playing with a torch and the pot plants in some obviously important ritual.

i still feel just that absorbed by seemingly unimportant stuff. yes i feel just like a child.

and my friends who are having babies and buying houses occasionally shock me into thinking that perhaps i should just grow up.

BUT NO.

now i must go OUT, before i check if ms fits has answered my questions yet. AGAIN.

tonight tonight

i'm sewing a dress today, to wear tonight. why? becuase i feel like it.

i would've liked to have made it for my date last night with the ever-lovely and amazing ms fits... instead i was again all tuckered out from my holiday in construction, 6 o'clock starts. ZOMBIES R US.

so i did my best with what i could muster. hopefully it was good enough. cause I, along with everybody, have stars in my eyes for her.

tonight tonight: with dell stewart...

my too clever friend simon will be showing new works at the delightful alice euphemia from 6 30 tonight where the beautiful and amazing vittoria is also launching new stuff for her label wolfgang & vincent... more pretty STUFF which i covet like the bowerery bird i am...

maybe see you there... xxx

ps. blogger keeps letting me down. i can never veiw my posts until hours after they are seemingly visible to others. makes it a little hard to proofread... so please excuse any glaringly DUMB mistakes.

nah. i wouldn't either... not good enough dell...

oh. i might not make that dress...

WHAT DID I DO TODAY?

good question people. wouldn't we all like to know.

i am, however about to ride on that back of a vespa, into the city for a bit of location scouting for my next dance club meeting. special projects.

wearethemodswearethemods...WE ARE WE ARE WE ARE THE MODS....

all this talk of fruit...

reminds me of this...

the big apple is lovely...
so wonderfully put by mr exploding dog... in one of my favourite of his drawings ever... look at it...LOOK AT IT!

the big apple. even if it's not lovely, maybe it'd be good for me... i have been trying to save to go for years now. but i thought about it again last night and concluded i will commit to going autumn next year, and pull my finger out and SAVE...

so if you see me in the pub, scold me and send me home. 'dell, shouldn't you stop pissing your meagre funds away... new york won't come to you, will it... '

oh new york, who cares, barcelona, havana, bangkok, somewhere... i'm changeable like the weather on this and everything.

sunday roast

my housemate flieschy is one of the hardest working people I know… and she had a day off.

we decided to do a roast. but what roast? my favourite is lamb. I love beef. I also love sweet potatoes and kumara and pumpkin. I have also been dreaming of corned beef, though not strictly or even remotely a roast, it still fits in as one of those traditional family meaty dinners that I LOVE.

we went for roast pork, cause neither of us have done it before & it presented a challenge. we cut off the rind for crackling. we ground up salt and garlic & rosemary in the mortar and pestle. we rubbed it in. we left it wrapped in the fridge for a few hours. we rubbed salt into the crackling. we made appley red cabbage. we roasted it with all those veges. it was amazing. especially with the feijoa & apple jelly I made last week. THANK YOU PIGGY. & thank you Hec for the feijoas.

then we ate the self-saucing chocolate pudding that I made.

what else? apart from gloating (SORRY) about good food... not much. trying to take advantage of hard rubbish to clean up this house. it is a huge old house with crazy big high ceilings and wide hallways & I love it. but it’s been a share house for a long time. a stylists nightmare... the HORROR. i want to have a sacrifial burning of a few items... yeah it needs a serious clean-up. & we’ve started. but it’s hard not to also bring more stuff home. damn it. hard rubbish.